Imagine you are standing in front of an auditorium full of people. The house lights are dim. You walk out on stage to deliver one of the most personal, and in your mind most important messages you have ever delivered. You’ve spent months honing the speech and know exactly what you want to say and how you say want to say it. It’s your moment to shine.
As you deliver your first couple of lines you can feel the crowd is with you. Your words are resonating and then…you forget everything. All of that prep work out the window. The message you want to deliver lost in an anxious void of silence. You’re embarrassed, crushed, and terrified all at the same time. No matter how much you try the words won’t come. What do you do?
Several months ago I had the privilege of going through one of the first rounds of the TED talk Masterclass. I learned the art of crafting a talk with a strong through line that would impact the audience and drive home a point. I participated in lessons and created draft after draft after draft of my script. The class culminated with the opportunity to present at the 2019 ISTE conference in Philadelphia. All I had to do was submit a recording of my talk and be selected to present.
I thought it would be a long shot at best. I love presenting workshops and conference sessions about things like gamification and video in the classroom. But this type of talk was different than anything I had presented. I’m great with a bulleted list that I can riff on. When I present I usually have a handful of stories I want to share, and I fill in the words that connect them together as I go. This on the other hand was a scripted speech which sounds great on paper but is terrifying in practice. Scripted talks are difficult because there is a fine line between authentic and robotic. It’s harder to convey emotion with something you’ve spent hours upon hours rehearsing. Plus you have to memorize every word. I was also nervous about sharing this talk because it is the most personal talk I’ve ever given. I was going to share things in my speech that only a handful of people know.
With all of those fears swirling around in my mind I submitted my talk and waited. The day I found out I would be able to share my talk on the ISTE stage I was excited, but I was also trying to come up with ways to back out at the same time. But I was in. I spent the next few months honing my script and practicing, over and over and over. No matter how hard I tried I kept forgetting parts of my speech.
In most stories this would be the moment where I share that I overcame my nerves and delivered the most flawless presentation of my career. I changed lives, moved hearts, and inspired educators around the world. When I visualized it in my mind that’s exactly what happened. In reality, I stepped out onto the stage and a minute into my speech I forgot everything. A lot goes through your mind when things are going that wrong.
My mind was like an Etch-a-Sketch
Here’s a recording of the TED talk if you want to see it. Watch part 1 and then go to the replies to watch part 2:
I felt like my mind was an etch-a-sketch that once held a beautiful picture but was shaken up right before I walked on stage. I spent about 30 seconds running through my options. I paced the stage. I could turn around and walk off the stage (honestly, I thought about this option a few times). I could stumble through my speech and lose the power of the words. Or I could cheat and grab the notecards out of my pocket.
Right before my speech I wrote the words “Tell YOUR truth” on the palm of my hand. It was something to focus me on the goal. I wanted to tell my truth, use my past struggles to hopefully help someone else in that room. With that in mind I knew the words were the most important thing to get out there. So I pulled my script notecards out of my pocket and read the speech.
Was it how I envisioned my speech? No. Did it deliver the same punch and impact it could have if I had memorized it better? Probably not. But it was authentically me. It was the words I wanted to share.
Responding to failure
This is only the first half of my story though. That moment of failure has spawned so many moments of personal growth and reflection. I walked off that stage feeling like the biggest failure. I sent a text to my wife and just said “The speech was terrible. I bombed. I’ll talk to you later.”
That could have been it. Instead after 30 minutes of being frustrated with myself I chose to use this moment as an opportunity. I recorded the following video and shared it with my students on Instagram and Twitter.
Here’s what I shared with my students: https://youtu.be/SK-H5hQq3xI
I wanted them to see that we all fail sometimes. In fact I think if you aren’t failing at something sometimes you aren’t trying hard enough. It was an opportunity to show students that, in the words of Steve Sims, author of Blue Fishing, “Failure doesn’t define you. It refines you.” More importantly I wanted to define what this failure meant to me. These aren’t just words I shared to make me feel better. An hour after my speech I had completely transformed this moment of failure into a message of overcoming setbacks and setting high goals.
Throughout the rest of the conference I had a lot of words of encouragement from people who saw the speech. They thought it was authentic. They cheered me on. They wanted to see me finish the speech. I know everyone winced when I lost my place, but I think I’ve found it since then.
Next time…
My goal is to one day tackle a TED talk. I think my approach will be different next time. I want to go back to telling stories. It’s who I am. In fact, I hope to share a TED talk about what to do when you fail…on stage…in front of a crowd of people…
If you are interested in what the talk should have been, here’s a new recording I did after the conference.
